The problem is not that it’s hard—The Sauce #145
it’s that you wish it was easy.
‘I took some time off to rest and now it’s game time bitches.’- Nicki Minaj
On My Mind
It’s 7:55 p.m.
I find myself standing on the edge of a two person 33°F tub of water at Othership.
Moments later, a man who I will come to find is named Moses, joins me at the other end of the tub. I notice that his friend is motioning for him to join him at another tub. Moses willfully ignores his friend and removes his gold wire rimmed glasses to enter the water with me. Moses and I exchange a sum total of zero eye contact or words.
In that moment, I would prefer that Moses joins his friend at the other tub, for two reasons. One, I notice that Moses has sidecurls known as 'Payos’ in the Hasidic Jewish community tucked behind his ears. My limited knowledge of Ultra-Orthodox Judaism alerts me to the fact that I’m quite certain that Moses’ religious beliefs highly encourage him to not speak with me, let alone join me in a bath of any kind. I immediately feel on edge as though I’m compromising his beliefs by going into a tub with him which makes me feel uncomfortable. Two, I came to Othership alone, on purpose. I’d prefer to be alone.
Jolted back to the present moment by the instructors count down for us to enter the ice bath and no where else for me to go…
3—2—1, I step into the cold.
Moments after me, Moses too, enters the ice bath.
Moses does not lower himself down into the water slowly, with any sense of ease or respect for the frigid temperatures that await him. Moses enters the water like a bull in a china shop. Unnecessarily splashing the 33°F liquid in. my. face.
Shocked and frankly, angered by his clumsiness and lack of consideration, I close my eyes and lean my head back to regain composure. Moments later, the 30 seconds are up, we exit the bath. Round one is done.
The guide gives us 10 seconds before instructing us to re-enter the water for round two. Again, I gently enter the water, careful to not make a big splash. Again, Moses jumps in a cannonball-esque style into the f*@$ing ice bath.
Annoyed. But this time, I guard my face— ready for the 0°C splash, which comes, as anticipated.
It’s round 3. The instructor is beating a drum encouraging us to ‘release into the cold.’ I enter, Moses follows. But this time instead of emotionally white knuckling through my annoyance with his lack of courtesy, I decide to open my eyes. And I see him. A 30+ year old man— eyes closed, full on high pitched screaming like a little girl, in an ice bath, with a stranger, on a Thursday night in New York City in 2025.
Seeing him that way allowed something in me to break free. My perturbedness, my rigidity, my judgement, melted away. All of a sudden the ludicrousness of what I was doing and who I was doing it with and why washed over me. I began uncontrollably laughing.
As he screamed, I laughed. Together, separately, we released into the cold.
Moments later, on his knees, hands scanning the floor for his wire frames, it became clear to me Moses couldn’t see at all without them. I walked over, picked them up and handed them over. He responds with, ‘That’s cold.’ Our gazes meet for the first time and I say, ‘Yeah.’
———
Grief. Grieving. Loss. Is hard.
Healing is communal.
In the words of Mae West, ‘The problem is not that it’s hard, it’s that you wish it was easy.’
Into the cold plunge.
On My Tongue
Did you know that we live as a seriously under fibered nation?
Protein has been alllllll the rage for the last few years but mark my words, you’re about to see fiber get the attention it deserves.
Enter my new hyper fixation snack: FLOURA. This is not your grandpa’s Metamucil. Floura bars are truly delicious. Imagine a soft fruit chewy bar that supports your gut health. Do you experience constipation, blood sugar fluctuations, high cholesterol, low energy, inflammation? Babe. Get some more fiber in your life.
My favorite flavors are… well, all of them. But I especially love ‘Mango Cardamom.’
Shout out to my friend Whit who put me on to these. I can tell this is about to become a mainstay in my diet to supplement when I can’t reach enough fiber in a day.
Hot Tip: Not just for snacking, I sprinkled half a bar of ‘Vanilla Rooibos’ over my yogurt this morning. Yum. 😋
In My Eyes
I am embarking on a kitchen remodel in my Brooklyn apartment. Let me tell you, it is OVER-WHELM-ING. I am designing the whole kitchen from tip to top and sourcing all of the materials myself. I fully understand why people hire architects for this and sane people should.
As I’ve been looking for and keying in on sources of inspiration I’ve found myself coming back to Jacques Garcia, the French architect and designer, well known for his baroque opulent style. White Lotus lovers may be familiar with his Sicilian villa that was featured in Season 2, Episode 5. While the way he decorates is iconic, I’m most interested in his work for his unique sense of color. The way this man can make red and green work together in a room and not have it feel like Christmas is inspiring.
Beyond that, his personal ethos is iconic:
‘I enjoy traveling for a single reason: I’ve always sought, and will always seek until my final breath, knowledge, and you can’t acquire knowledge unless you go out. It’s by seeing others, seeing everything; by opening up a book; by visiting and seeing other places that you learn what it is to be human, what culture and other countries are. I modestly apply the phrase, “Death won’t catch me alive!" to my life.’—Jacques Villa
That deeply resonates with me— death won’t catch me alive!
If you’re looking for a masterclass in color theory, check out Jacques Garcia, you won’t be disappointed.
On My Soul
We’ve entered the Lenten season*. As such, I’ve been reflecting on my ratio of service to consumption. How much of my life is spent in consumption, feeding my desires vs in service to others? Is that ratio where I believe it needs to be? What are the areas I could sacrifice more for the betterment of my community, of myself?
Sacrifice is not a very sexy term in the modern western world but it can be quite beautiful and worth the contemplation. We’re told to ‘want it all’ vs steward well the gift of what is already ours. The first is a direct line to discontent the latter gives us freedom in ‘enough.’
Not the reason to do it but a valuable outcome, there’s nothing quite like realizing your bullsh*t is the not the same as other peoples bullsh*t. Service is a real fast track to gratitude.
———
*For the non-Catholics in the house, this is a time for prayer, fasting, service, communal gathering and spiritual development; ie growing closer to God. And to my brothers and sisters also in a holy time, Ramadan Mubarak.
The Energy
I danced to Dom Dolla at MSG last night and let me tell you, that was SO fun!
Movement is good for the soul!
Collective energy is healing!
Reminder to buy the tickets, hop on the ride of life and release.
In pleasure and peace,
Kellie